Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize