so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
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Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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