i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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