yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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