my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
