True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
