I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
