Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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