i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we made out on top of his cat.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
