i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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