When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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