Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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