after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
