My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
