Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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