Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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