hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
