He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
