Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
