My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
