I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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