my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
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I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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