I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
