Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
