Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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