I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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