You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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