hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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