I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize