...so i touched it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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