ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
