Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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