Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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