I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
