oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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