If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
