Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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