Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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