This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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