No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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