its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
