No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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