I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
please don't ironically join a cult
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