The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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