I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
