Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The best revenge is premature balding
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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