Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
