Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
