I just saw a hot homeless man
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
