I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
