I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
