I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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