Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
