i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
