...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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