I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i dont even know how to be here
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
