I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
