How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
