You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
