I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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