i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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