Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
