I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
