i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
