My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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