We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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