She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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